Feedback: XSandPiper78[at]aol.com
Rating:
PG
Archive: Gossamer and Ephemeral – NO. I will submit directly myself
Keywords: MSR
Category: V
Spoilers: Nothing specific. Set between Existence and The Truth
Disclaimer: Characters within were created by CC. No infringement intended.
Summary: Sometimes it only takes the small things to make it all come
back to you.
Author’s Note: For Sallie, who gave this vignette a soul.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
This afternoon, I encountered a woman wearing your perfume. She smiled
as we
passed on the sidewalk.
It was a simple thing, really, but it unleashed a flood of memories that
brought
me to my knees, dissolving my pretense of strength and resolve.
I remembered the way you hum in the back of your throat, the sound barely
audible, as you take your first bite of cake; the way you savor the flavor
of
your wine. I recalled your exact method for dissecting a salad, carefully
quartering the tomato wedges and cucumbers, picking out the onions if
there were
too many before sprinkling it with a precise amount of vinaigrette. It’s
almost
an eccentricity, the way you do this. One of the little things about you
I’ve
come to love.
Vividly, I saw in my mind the way you smack your lips gently when you
wake in the
morning; the way sunlight streamed through your hair the thousands of
times we
stood outside a suspect’s house. At those times I liked to think the sun
was made
only for you, to make the copper strands dance with life, to enhance your
beauty.
And sometimes I’d selfishly imagine that maybe - just maybe, the sun was
created
for me, so that I could see you in all your brilliance.
Perhaps it was a challenge. It was never easy to concentrate on my words,
when I
was privileged to gaze at you in that light, glowing golden. You never
knew that,
did you? How hard it was to speak at all when my mind wanted to focus
only on how
incredibly amazing you looked.
I miss the taste of your sweet mouth, the salt of your skin as I nibble
it
gently, my tongue sneaking out to sample your flavor. I need the feel
of you in
my bed, surrounding me with your warmth, and healing me with your unconditional
love. I can’t look into the sky without recalling the liquid blue of your
eyes,
staring up into mine, or focused on a book.
When was the last time I indulged in the simple pleasure of walking by
your side,
silently taking in the scenery on a spring day? How long since we looked
up at
one another, knowing, as the answers to a case just – fell into
place?
These things, all these seemingly mundane things, suddenly overwhelmed
me on that
sunny sidewalk in that nondescript town. It hurts so much to think I might
never
see you again, that our son may never know me as anything but a photograph.
More
terrifying than the prospect of dying for this cause, is the knowledge
that you
may never know for sure. Will you think that I’ve changed my mind,
that it all
became too much and I chose a different path, leaving this old one behind
me?
Will you go to your grave, never knowing if I was killed for my single-minded
pursuit of the truth?
No, we’re connected, soul to soul, forever. You’d know. You’ve always
known when
it came to me. You knew that day when I couldn’t bear the distance
between us
another minute, and I risked it all for a few stolen moments. You looked
so
beautiful in that simple dress, the gauzy fabric swirling softly around
your legs
in the breeze as you pushed our son in his stroller. You sensed my presence
that
day; I’m as sure of it as I am of my own name. You’ll sense me forever,
just as
you always have.
I swallowed the bitter tears that threatened to spill over. They have
no place
in our happy memories. Walking faster, I put all my energy into moving
forward.
It feels like an end may be in sight, and if I hurry, I can finally make
it
happen. Armed with sheer will, I’ll fight to find closure.
Give Will a kiss for me, Scully. I’ll be home soon.
~ The End ~